Journal #6: I Want to "Icky Thump" Matt Damon in His Face

Tuesday, February 8th, in the year of Our Lord 2011

Matt Damon is everywhere.  No...seriously.  He was on 6 of the 8 televisions at the Allen Center this evening.  If it wasn't The Bourne Identity, it was the The Adjustment Bureau trailer.  He's also on a new episode of "30 Rock" on Thursday.  Good lord. 

You know what else is everywhere like Matt Damon?
His cholesterol levels.

And on the other 2 televisions?  The Biggest Loser and Fox News.  Wow, thanks for the variety, Allen Center.  Watching chubbies on national television lose weight and watching mentally-challenged people some producer plucked off the street and plopped in front of a camera is exactly what I want to work out to.  I don't think Glenn Beck is an actual person; just a human-idiot hybrid.  He's God's mistake.  I think God took a really painful Taco Bell shit one night after some heavy drinking with Satan, looked down, almost flushed it before changing his mind and putting googly-eyes on the turd and naming him "Glenn Beck".  It was supposed to be a prank, but He accidently gave Beck a brain (God apologizes, He thought it was a kernel of corn) and all of a sudden, Beck had his own TV show.

"SURPRISE!  They're both empty!  GOTCHA!
Boy, you guys are soooo stupid.  Where did I leave my MadLibs? 
I was working on the script for tonight's show. What's another word
for 'I think Obama's a terrorist?'  Anybody?"

I guess watching "The Biggest Loser" is a bit of a self-esteem booster.  Hey, at least 80 million people don't have to see my sweaty, fat ass pounding away on the pavement.  I'm exercising in relative privacy [A/N: I say relative because I don't recognize anyone from any of my classes when I work out.  If someone is there, I move as far away as possible from them.]

Exploiting those with "glandular problems"
one episode at a time.


I'm starting to favor certain types of exercise equipment; the Death Machine I worked out on tonight is probably going to be a once-a-week deal.  Holy shit on a shingle, Batman.  Never again!  I think Satan himself designed this elliptical machine.  And I'm fairly sure He himself would never use it...that asshole.

Oh, wait.  He must've to get that RIPPED bod for his
Halloween party.

I do have to admit something...I lied last night in my post.  I said I was going to get up and go swimming this morning.  I didn't.  [A/N: Oh, hush.  It was one day.  No big deal, right?  ...right?] I freaked Brooke out by not waking up and getting out of bed when my alarm went off at 6:00 a.m.  That's right, I slept in until 8:00.  Oh yeah, bitches.  I'm a god damn rebel.  But it'll be a different story on Thursday and Friday, when I jump right back into the water found only on the former planet [A/N: Forever a true planet in my heart] Pluto. 

"When I was a kid, besides walking 10 miles uphill
both ways to get god damn anywhere, Pluto was a planet.
Now, go bring Mama her night-night juice."

I am hoping [A/N: Hahaha, "hoping" is a very weighted word in that sentence] to be jogging [A/N: The very thought of that is making me giggle] by the end of the semester.  Running over the summer would be ideal.  Maybe Dad could set up a short route for me to run, possibly by Spring Break.

I've started to measure how far and long I have to walk somewhere by the songs I listen to while walking.  For instance, to get to the 2nd floor of the Collins Classroom Center on the UWSP campus, it takes one full play of "Raining Men" by Rihanna and Nicki Minaj, along with half of "When I Hear My Name" by The White Stripes.  To get from my dorm to the Dreyfus University Center, it takes a full "Icky Thump" by The White Stripes and nearly three-fourths of "S&M" by Rihanna.  And if I'm feeling frisky, two plays of "Teenagers" and "Dead" by My Chemical Romance will get me anywhere, anytime.  It's like I have this down to a complete science.

Sometime in the future, I'll put up a partial playlist of the songs I listen to while working out.  I have an odd taste in music, but it seems to be working out for me.