If anybody is out there, please help me.
I've been snowed in. I'm practically alone here, sans my mom and dad (who drove to work today, even though the roads were shit-tastic).
I'm too young to be served as a main dish once we've depleted our pantry!
I also watched the movie "Alive!" recently, the movie adaptation of the Uruguayan rugby team that crashed in the Andes Mountains in the late 1970s and ate the ass-meat of the deceased, so my paranoia is slowly reaching its peak.
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| "We made snowmen and used body parts to decorate it!" |
Guess what? It's Spring Break! (if you go to 1:43 in the video, you'll get what I'm referring to).
*pauses for the uproar of laughter, not from Tosh.0 but that it fucking snowed when I'm on Spring Break*
Not joking. Since yesterday, we've gotten over a foot of snow. A FOOT OF SNOW. A FOOT OF SNOW. I don't know if I can ever over-emphasize that fact.
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| Har har har...go fuck yourself. |
I've been home since last Friday. Last Friday, it was nice out...so I dressed nice. I've dressed nicely for the past couple of days. But I apparently lost my mind today.
I came downstairs and the first thing out of my mom's mouth was, "Oh my God. What ARE you wearing?" She proceeded to make herself a strong cup of coffee and go into the other room.
I don't know what she found wrong about my outfit. I think rainbow toe socks (remember those things?! The socks with little holders for your toes?!), a pair of bright red Wisconsin cut-off sweatpants and a high school German Club long-sleeve with the torn "MEG" on the back is pretty god damn classy. I wish I had taken a picture of what was added throughout the day to my wardrobe. I ended up wearing a felt hat I had to make in 6th grade for my Machu Picchu display and a black fabric cape with a single "B" ironed-on on the back. Fucking badass, that's what I looked like.
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| I looked a lot like this. Except I'm 20. And a girl. And way cooler. |
I'm pretty sure my mom was afraid for her life, because my go-to phrase of the day was: "God, this is like the movie 'Misery'. I'm afraid Kathy Bates is going to pop out of the washing machine and hobble us."
I actually went as far as to find objects in my kitchen that would be used to hobble people, if the need came up. It was no wonder my mom kept far away from me for a few hours, as I scuffled around the kitchen muttering to myself, while swinging a meat tenderizer.
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| THERE'S NOTHING TO DO HERE! THIS IS MY ENTERTAINMENT! |
And don't just assume that all I've done during Spring Break is plan out how to break someone's ankles using fake chopsticks (the ones that are connected on the top because I'm retarded and can't coordinate two separate objects at once) and an apple. I've been productive. OOH! I made a blanket for a tiny human that I've yet to meet. OOH! I've started on the plans of making a blanket for me to lose my mind in next year. OOH! I went running.
Err...what?
You read that right, my loyal 5 readers! [A/N: I counted the people I know who like my wall posts on Candace's wall on Facebook. It's 5 thus far. If I can make it 10, I'll bake you all cupcakes.] [A/N/N: That last part was a lie. You won't be getting cupcakes. I'll take pictures of me eating cupcakes. Suck on that.]
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| SQUEE! I just want to punch everyone single one out of love. |
I've been playing around on the brand-spanking new treadmill my parental units bought a few months ago. And I've also decided that it can go die a fiery, fiery death. Whoever thought of speed interval levels deserves to be dragged out into the street and stoned like the heretic they are. Only a god damn wizard could do those things and I'm pretty sure wizards use magical sneakers to get around and really don't have a need to run around on fake inclines at various speeds.
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| Unless you're fucking Gandalf, who rides around on the fucking Lord of Horses, Shadowfax. Who needs to walk, am I right?! SHADOWFAX, TO MINAS TIRITH! TTTTTWWWEEEEEEE!!!! |
I actually miss the Allen Center. GASP. My basement only has 1 lonely little television and I miss being able to flip channels by simply glancing to a neighboring television. I can only jog to Travel Channel's "Chowdown Countdown" before I flip to "Reno! 911" and die laughing.
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| Did anybody else cry during this episode? The one where Jackie the Pickle-Throwing Hooker died? |
Does the movie "The Source Code" remind anybody of "Donnie Darko", minus the whole dying from a falling jet engine part? And if you've never seen that movie, what fucking rock have you been living under these past CENTURIES?! Get with the picture, people. It's called NetFlix and it's $9.99 a month. Stop buying pot and buffalo wings and educate yourselves.
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| Anybody else shitting themselves because of this picture? This is why I hate the Easter Bunny. |
I only bring up that movie to tell you that the sequel sucks ass. It's just like "Donnie Darko", minus Jake Gyllenhaal. It's the same damn plot line. OOH. ORIGINAL. "S. Darko" is not worth the hour and 48 minutes that I will NEVER get back. The only decent part was the man-candy they had to throw in to please the lady viewers.
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| Howdy, boys! Yep, that one on the left is the douche-knuckle from "Gossip Girl". The one on the right is Jasper from "Twilight". Stop groaning, Candace. Hey, Kali! LOOK! I MADE A ([N] OBLIGATORY) TWILIGHT REFERENCE! |
Ever since I've been home, I've been systematically raping the shit (THE SHIT) out of NetFlix. We've got it on our Wii, so when I get bored with shows, I beat my high score on Wakeboarding on WiiResort.
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| I unlocked every level in under an hour. U jelly? |
Thus far, I've watched an entire season of "That 70's Show", the first couple episodes of "Dexter", every available "Viva La Bam" and oh yeah, "Firefly". I've fallen among the ranks of other closet Browncoats.
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| Well, hello there, Simon Tam. I'm in need of a yearly physical. Care to take this to the infirmary? ...that was all inside thoughts... |
If anyone who has any self-preservation or any dignity left when they come out of the theater after seeing "Hop", please let me know how it was. On one hand, I really want to see it. I love Russell Brand and James Marsden. But on the other, I want to eat the end of a shotgun when I watch the previews. OH. And if you see "Arthur", let me know also. I've just finised "My Booky Wook" by Russell Brand and now onto his second, "My Booky Wook 2: This Time It's Personal" and I'm mildly obsessed with the man. I have a lot of respect for him. But I may or may not have any left if I go see "Arthur". Maybe you should just stick with the Aldous Snow schtick, my British lover.
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| I love this movie. "What's the state fish of Hawaii? -The Humuhumunukunukuapua'a. Yeah, bitch!" |
Okay, I've been reading the quotes from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and nearly pissed myself at this one.
Aldous Snow: [holding a single sandal] I've lost a shoe... have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe... like this one. It's like this one's fellow... it's sort of the exact opposite in fact of that - not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this... but for the other foot. Otherwise I'd have two right...
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| SEX. On a surfboard. |
I'm going to leave you with that image.
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